This week we have a wonderful photograph from Jane Hewitt. As always you have 100 words to produce a creative piece of writing. Look closely at the picture and use your imaginations to tell a really great story.
34 Comments
lauren
9/5/2014 01:35:11 am
A odd but rather disturbing animal was flying around small town were millions of small people lived in the grass away from any humans . A huge bee was lurking around the area that small towns exterminator were dogging the pepper spray but it was trying too sting it with its stinger on its bum. A smalls but plump little girl she pepper sprayed the bee again and it died the exterminator took a picture of there fantastic work.
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Abigail
10/5/2014 08:41:58 pm
Bob is a bee and Bob the bee is very lazy. Bobs friends Catlin and Abigail want him to wake up from his deep sleep. They tried poking him with a stick he did not wake up. They tried pushing him but it still did not work. Abigail and Catlin tried every way they could think of. "Zzzz" Abigail heard she looked at Bob she turned away "zzzz"she heard it again both of them turned around. There Bob was moving once again,they were so happy to see him. Bob gave them a wink. "Have a ride" he said.
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Mr Turner
11/5/2014 07:41:41 am
An interesting perspective Abigail. I like the sense of intrigue surrounding the bee when the friends were trying to awaken him. Don't forget to include an apostrophe to denote that Caitlin and Abigail are Bob's friends.
Mr Turner
11/5/2014 08:12:32 am
A good effort Lauren. I like the range of vocabulary used in this extract. Could we think of any other openers other than beginning each sentence with a?
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Jacob
9/5/2014 05:08:13 pm
One morning I looked into the garden and I was amazed at what I saw. There was a bee flying around with tow miniature men dressed in little white oneseys . Their suit cases were balanced on his wing . All of a sudden the bee crash landed and the two men jumped of they pulled out there camera and took photos . Then all of a sudden an eagle flew down and flew away.
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Mr Turner
11/5/2014 07:43:46 am
A very creative challenge completed successfully Jacob! I love this story and how the imagination beams from it. I like the wide range of openers used within this passage. If you were amazed, what form of punctuation could you have used?
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Lewis
9/5/2014 09:50:19 pm
One day two astronauts found a dead bumble bee on a wooden table. They wanted to find out what species there was of all the bees. They had a good look of the bee to see what it looked like because they hadn't seen a bee before in there entire lives. So after looking at the bee they got there tools to find out what kind of bee it really was. One astronaut said "it could be a king bee or a queen bee". So they found out it was a king bee but there were frightened because it might be still alive and just playing dead to trick them, then it would eat them alive.
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Mr Turner
11/5/2014 07:46:37 am
A good attempt Lewis. I like the inclusion of speech within your extract and the uncertainty to whether or not the bee was alive or not. Congratulations on adding a comma in there too. Could we add any punctuation in there to build on your work?
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molly.b
9/5/2014 09:58:52 pm
Well my dad is a health keeper and owns a factory in Florida and one day he found a giant bee lying in front of the building and called his friends Jack and bill to come and check it out meanwhile my dad was shivering in fear and standing well back . Bill shouted up this be needs shifted come and help us please Bob my dad said nothing but nnnnooooo iill jussst bee uppp heeere .jack then shouted up we are just popping of for a lunch break we will be back soon Bob hurry hurry said my dad ill just be up here.
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Mr Turner
11/5/2014 07:49:22 am
A fab effort Molly. I like that you have added the character's feelings and thoughts into this passage. Don't forget to add speech marks to identify what the character is saying and try not to start with well each time. This is an interesting take on this story.
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Elizabeth
10/5/2014 05:16:04 am
Investigation, crime scene, CID. Not the ordinary investigation, crime scene or CID dectctives. Firstly the two deceives were only the size of Thumberlena, their grey, silver metal trunks, containing all the deceive apparatus were larger than than them. How they never fell inside is a mystery. The giant, motionless evidence lay on top of a grainy old wooden plank.
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Mr Turner
11/5/2014 07:51:54 am
A super effort Elizabeth. I like the how well this passage begins to flow and how the imagery within the wording develops the setting. Very creative! Could we add any punctuation to develop your writing further such as an ellipsis?
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abby
10/5/2014 08:08:58 pm
Two miniscule men were about to get the shock of their lives as they were sat beside one giant wasp. The men had already dumped their bags and began to investigate the unusual, but very big wasp. One man was holding a camera and the over was just sat still. It seemed to me that they were resting on a wooden table. Each of the men were both wearing a white suit and white shoes. Then, the still man started to poke the wasp with a stick what made the wasp awake and begun to sting the very small men.
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Mr Turner
11/5/2014 07:54:46 am
Haha! That will teach the men i'm sure! Well done Abby. I like how the writing is composed in this extract as it begins with the men about to get the shock of their lives and at the end, how they did. A well structured piece of writing.
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Pippa
10/5/2014 10:01:50 pm
My name is Pippa Johnson and I work for the government as a scientist. The day started as any ordinary Wednesday morning. My colleague and I were out in the country side doing some research on the local wildlife. After we had finished looking at the trees and searching for insects, we heard a loud buzz coming from behind us, it sounded like a helicopter landing above our heads .We turned around and I fell to the ground with amazement because it was a gigantic bee. Could this be our most amazing science project yet, we immediately started studying the bee specimen further.
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Mr Turner
11/5/2014 07:58:10 am
Not only are you a student in my class, but a scientist also! I'm learning something new every day! This is a well written piece of work Pippa. I like the imagery used to portray the bee. I feel that we are missing a question mark within the writing. See if you can spot where to place it.
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Jake
10/5/2014 11:50:40 pm
One Tuesday morning I turned the TV on and there was a special news report . They said a giant bee had been found in the paradise park . Two forensic investigators went to check it , they took some pictures and hair samples . The next day carcass was GONE!!! . Where did it go ?
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Mr Turner
11/5/2014 08:00:15 am
I like the shortness of this extract however try to use the allotted 100 words or as close to it, in order to add depth and detail to your writing. I am delighted with the use of punctuation at the end.
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Erin
11/5/2014 01:52:22 am
It was horrible! My own friend killed by scientists.
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Mr Turner
11/5/2014 08:03:28 am
Superb work Erin! I love, love, love the portrayal of emotion of the character explaining the death of Mr. Buzz. Wonderful! Could we have ended with a form of punctuation just to cap the work off?
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Ben.D
11/5/2014 03:29:06 am
Last night I was playing a game called shrinking simulator. I played it until one minute until midnight. That's when it crashed one minute later I wished it was real. Suddenly I shrunk and was transported to a park. Not long after that I realised the same thing had happened to many more people. It was extremely scary but then I saw two people in white outfits examining a bee but then a hornet came and almost stung me. Luckily I was ok or was I...
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Mr Turner
11/5/2014 08:06:06 am
A good attempt Ben! I like the different take of the story created here. The fact that it was the men who shrank and not a giant bee. I like the ending to this.
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Holly
11/5/2014 03:50:31 am
A giant bee. I blink several times to make sure I'm not seeing things. No. It's actually real. Me and my best friend catiously approach it. I poke it with a stick trying to determine if it's dead. My questions answered when It starts buzzing frantically ...... and then terrorises the city like its Godzilla. In a nutshell it destroyed everything from Buckingham palace to the Eiffel Tower. In 2 hours. Everything's wrecked now. Homes are lost , starvation is settling in. This worlds been ruined. The last thing i see is it flying towards me.... I wake up in panic. Nothing happened. I'm filled with joy and then a bee flies past.
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Mr Turner
11/5/2014 08:09:39 am
A superb and creative take on this challenge Holly! I love the ending. This epitomizes (clarify it) your creative approach to writing. Fantastic!
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Millie
11/5/2014 03:51:07 am
We got called to an unexpected murder. A murder quite un ordinary. A bee murder. We get there in five minutes flat, and the crime seen was awful. A body lay on a oak wood bench down a deserted street. Various parts of the bee, the wings,legs and fur, we're scattered around the victim. We started taking snaps of the innocent bee, the body, the leftover body parts and any fishy evidence. To no avail, we found nothing. Days passed and still nobody had a clue about anything. No witnesses and no suspects. Until the body disappeared...
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Abbie
12/5/2014 06:01:39 am
The police couldn't cope with all of the 999 calls coming in,telling them that a giant bee had been seen flying aroung the area.They sent a police man out to shoot it.After that they sent two investigators to see how it had got so big.They took some photographs to use as evidence.The other investigator poked it with a long stick,to make sure it really was dead.They also made sure they kept away from it's sting.They were hoping that there were no more anywhere,when suddenly they heard a noise...
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Rachel
13/5/2014 04:08:24 am
One day the Bee Keeper from Honey Farm realised that one of their bees was missing. He panicked and called the Bee Detectives, Bob and Barney Bee. Bob and Barney Bee found the missing bee laid on a park bench. At first they weren’t sure whether the bee was sleeping or dead. While Bob took a photograph Barney checked if the bee was alive by touching its leg. As the bee did not move Barney said ‘oh, he’s dead, we need to contact the Bee Police’.
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Rachel
13/5/2014 04:09:31 am
One day the Bee Keeper from Honey Farm realised that one of their bees was missing. He panicked and called the Bee Detectives, Bob and Barney Bee. Bob and Barney Bee found the missing bee laid on a park bench. At first they weren’t sure whether the bee was sleeping or dead. While Bob took a photograph Barney checked if the bee was alive by touching its leg. As the bee did not move Barney said ‘oh, he’s dead, we need to contact the Bee Police’.
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Romana
14/5/2014 06:23:27 am
Quick come closer to your screen ! Its happened . We have done it. They thought it was impossible scientists , doctors shopkeepers and all the rest thought it was like mission impossible. But they were wrong . Me and my friends Molly and Emily have made a potion to make animals from microscopic to humungous. Now listen carefully to this recipe . Get to sticks of dynamite ( don't ask where we got that from ) three of the hottest chillies in the world and the all important impossible to get ! Talk powder! Mix that carefully for 2 hours ( your arms might hurt ) . Then get any animal in the world to drink it. We gave some to a bee last night . But its hunting season . And the bee looked just like a pheasant so ... PLOP! But now me and my friends are famous and the bee as well I cant tell you how many science labs want him. Any way can you do me a little favour ? Don't tell anyone what I have told you because this potion could cause world war 3!
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Pippa
16/5/2014 01:27:04 am
My name is Pippa Johnson and I work for the government as a scientist. The day started as any ordinary Wednesday morning. My colleague and I were out in the country side doing some research on the local wildlife. After we had finished looking at the trees and searching for insects, we heard a loud buzz coming from behind us, it sounded like a helicopter landing above our heads .We turned around and I fell to the ground with amazement because it was a gigantic bee. Could this be our most amazing science project yet? We immediately started studying the bee specimen further.
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Pippa
16/5/2014 01:29:28 am
Mr Turner I've done my 100 word challenge with the question mark.
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Ellie
19/5/2014 05:12:28 am
When we woke up one morning all we could hear was a loud buzzing noise outside.When we looked out of the window there was a dark cloud in the sky.Mam quickly turned the radio on and they were warning everyone to keep their windows and doors closed because there was a swarm of super massive bees.Scared to go out we just watched from the window.Soon we saw two police helicopters with a huge net between them and they managed to scoop them all up.All except one that fell to the ground DEAD!
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Ava
19/5/2014 06:23:29 am
This is a giant bee shouted Lola come and have a look. I hate bees that are so annoying when they buzz around you and the worst thing about them is that they sting, but luckily this one was dead. Surrounding the bee was these little tiny people that we're wearing white, and I wondered why they had two suitcases next to them . I thought I was seeing things but I wasn't the little people were really we're alive. Lola picked them up and asked them what they were doing next to the dead bee. They explained that they were investigating why there were so many dead bees because they had to try and prevent there deaths. Lola was shocked because she was happy they were dead and why would anybody would want to keep them alive. The investigators told Lola that bees were a vey important part of life as they pollinate the flowers and make honey. Lola was impressed and decided from now on bees aren't so annoying after all.
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George
17/9/2014 06:28:41 am
One sunny morning I woke and felt strange, I was smaller than my teddy's. I looked out the window and realised I'd shrunk. My mam came in to my room and she had shrunk too. All of a sudden a giant bee through my open window. I had save my mam, it was heading in her direction. I picked up a tooth pick and stabbed it. Down it came. It was a close call, but we survived.
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